Author Archives: Pete


Seems like a distant memory. A dream, a bad dream! Something that happened to someone, other than me.

Addiction, hunger, depression, despair… All of that is over now!

This just proves that once you make the decision, it all comes down to you. The help is there for whoever wants to grab the helping hand.

A BIG thank you to ADDACTION UK for all the support. Also to my wife for enduring and keep me believing I could do it!

Drug Induced Hepatitis – What To Look Out For

Hepatitis C seems to have a common presence among drug users.

Myths and tales seem to spread quicker than a bunny in a super car, so let’s shed some light on what can actually be contagious and what should not worry you!

Hepatitis C is “simply” a virus that lives in your cells and infects your liver.

How does Hepatitis C spread?

Unlike many seem to believe, you cannot get hep C from social, casual contact! Kissing, hugging, sharing food and drinks, sneezing, coughing and so many other interactions like these are harmless.

You can get hepatitis C IF you come in contact with some infected person’s blood and that is the reason why hep C seems to be so common in the drug scene. Hard users tend to overlook their hygiene and, what’s worst, they often share gear (needles, cotton, spoons…).

There is still some uncertainty regarding sexual contact. Good sense should prevail – although, according to doctors, the risk of infection in this case is very small.

If your partner (or family member, or roommate) has hep C, some simple care should keep you safe. Avoid sharing personal objects, such as razors, toothbrushes and nail clippers and you should be alright!

Rapid Opiate Detox Presents More Risks Than Benefits

Rapid opiate detox, according to a report by CDC, presents more risks, including death risk, and should be avoided!

Is this a safe and successful way of dropping an addiction or should conventional, tested treatments be the way forward for now?

What Is Rapid Opiate Detox?

Mostly for the rich, the famous and the desperate, “rapid detox” as it has unofficially become known, lets people sleep through their withdrawal period.

Under anesthesia, the patient sleeps through this fast withdrawal, while the doctors replace their opiate addiction by another, supposedly safer. When the patients wake up, there is a placebo, a fake, dummy drug blocking their brains opiate receivers, simply put.

In and out of the clinic in two days.

Is it for anyone? What’s the price for a rapid opiate detox?

Rapid detox is not for just anyone! This type of treatment can cost up to $10,000 and is not covered by health insurance.

The price is not the only deterrent, though. At a New Jersey rapid detox center, there have been 6 deaths over the last seven years!

What are the risks of rapid detox, then?

According to several studies and reports (see resources box), several deaths and long term diseases have resulted from this type of treatment.

These results are, according to federal officials, unacceptable!

If you think you might have an addiction and are looking for help, until this method presents valid proof of its effectiveness, I would advise people to follow traditional methods – methadone, buprenorphine…



What to do to keep clean on or after a detox

Making the decision to go on detox might be the hardest step but if you don’t change your life cycle, your habits, your daily routine… Keeping clean might be just as hard as that. So how do you stay committed once the withdrawals kick in for the first time?

I was very lucky to have C’s full support and understanding throughout my detox, as this made it so much easier to cope. I also knew that if I didn’t change my routine, I would most likely fall into the habit again.

The most important step of all was moving out of the town I was living in at that moment. Might not seem that much important but if you have family or friends willing to support you with that, when the turkey kicks in, you won’t be near anyone you know who has the magic potion to end your pain.

Also, if you keep busy you will think so much less of what you are going through. Although it wasn’t planned, moving into the countryside brought me closer to animals. C has a couple horses of her own and me, as a proper city boy, was scared sh*tless the first couple times I was around them but I still had to help out, working with them. Today, however, I have my very own horse, I’m learning how to ride and am having my first steps into breaking a horse (training a “wild”, untrained horse to be riden).

That gave me lots of stability and the fact alone of having someone, even if an animal, depending on me, made me so much stronger in regards to keeping myself out of trouble and keeping up with my responsibilities – wouldn’t be fair this little cob not having a proper life because of my own stupidity.

This post turned out to be more one of “my own” than an “information” one, though I still think it is quite on the spot for anyone going through the same… Keep strong and busy and the road ahead will only bring you good stuff!

Thinking back

It’s been quite a while since the last time I’ve done any gear, nearly a year now! After all this time, I still think on the hows and whys I’ve got where I was… What makes someone knowingly head down a path that leads to self-destruction?

Mostly everyone knows and has at least once mocked junkies, so we know what lies ahead. Did I think I was gonna be the one that only used drugs occasionally, escaping the addiction? Or did I have a hidden desire of dragging myself on the lower level of society?

Once I’ve noticed how I wasn’t coping well without doing gear, why didn’t I just walked away? Even after this long, all these questions still go through my head. It doesn’t matter anymore, yet every other night I find my mind wondering around while trying to fall asleep.

The way I was, my values, my conscience… And who I became, passing through all I’ve done when I had a need to sustain.

There was a certain glamour, though. A secret feeling, incomprehensible pride about the preparation, the folding of the foil… I was having an affair – not with a person but still an affair, though – that no one but my best friend could know about. Mrs. Brown was my lover and I was doing anything to keep our love, spending all my money, keeping everyone away from me apart from anyone I could benefit from knowing – dealers, other users

I also think about all I have done and how I would never do it if it wasn’t for the drugs… All in all I am just happy that all those have stayed behind and I was able to escape that dark world. It isn’t the end, though and every day is a new fight against old habits and searching for the easy way out whenever some bad situation crosses my way. That, however, is something I will write about any other day…

A Street Cat Named Bob

How many of you believe in karma? Would you think your life would completely turn better by doing a good deed?

A couple weeks ago I started reading this book without even knowing how much it did relate with my own life! James Bowen, an ex-heroin addict now in detox process, finds a stray cat near his apartment and after being sure, a couple days later, this ginger tom had no owner and was in need of serious health care, decided to take him home and take care of him just until he was strong enough to go back wherever he wanted to go.

Things unravel quite interestingly between both of them and the tom, later named Bob, who made a remarkable recovery ends up paying James back the best way someone could think of.

Watch the videos of Bob and James and if you are into reading I really recommend the book – A street cat named Bob.


8 Months And So many Changes

It’s nearly the end of November and for a long, long time, I haven’t even thought of this diary – nothing new there, to be honest. Just been so busy that most the time i can’t even remember about my past – mind you, I still have times where all the darkness comes down my mind all at once.

Had another couple reductions and, best of all, I am no longer under supervised consumption! Gosh, you can’t realize how free you feel until you wake up and don’t have to drag yourself to the chemist anymore…

Another advantage of twice a week pickup is that you can sort yourself out when it comes to reducing your dosage. I am now down to 20ml a day and didn’t even suffer any withdrawal symptoms.

At the end of the day, it is all in your mind and if you have someone by your side that understands and believes in you, it makes your life so much easier! C has been my rock, this whole time and I, hand on heart, really believe I wouldn’t have come this far without her in my life.

Keep yourself busy, believe in yourself (even if no one else does), congratulate yourself for every little victory, set your own goals and never ever give up. No matter what lies ahead, if you got to the point of needing help, it only means that what’s to come can only be better than yesterday’s…

5 months on methadone

4am and I am sleepless. Nowadays, i consider myself a changed man, though. Less than half a year ago I would be shaking for the lack of gear, 30 minutes before preparing myself to work.

Tonight is just a “normal” insomnia. 5 months on my script and i am so far away from the sample of a human that I used to be. I do know that I haven’t fought this battle alone – C was my rock. Everytime I thought I wouldn’t be able to get away from that poison, she made me believe, she gave me the strenght, she showed me I could.

Although I am still under daily supervised comsumption, it isn’t any hassle as I know I am clean and each day takes me closer to independency!

Quite frankly, had someone told me it was going to be this “easy”, I would have said they were full of it… The most important thing is WANTING TO LEAVE THE GEAR.

A new low

Well, since yesterday morning, I have hit a whole new low… I wake up dope sick in the morning.

Worst part is my withdrawals are mostly psychological and this can turn my mind into a very dark and scary place.

Everything in the world seems bad and I feel like there is no possible solution to any of my problems.

Luckily something good came out of this. Have been seeing C and while she’s mostly only met my dark side, she didn’t run away. How lovely is that? She’s also been a great support for the last few days. I really don’t think I would have made it safely without her around…

Sustaining an addiction

We all come to a time when it starts being impossible to sustain an addiction by normal means.

It’s not good, I tell you. We start doing things we wouldn’t normally do. It makes you feel ashamed of yourself. Even them little things make think about what have you become.

At the same time you confort yourself, saying you gotta do what gotta do to keep yourself going…

“At least I’m not killing anyone…”